my phone rings.
It pulls me from sleep
My eyes heavy.
It’s almost unfamiliar
who is that? a set ringtone
- i know.
but who? not you.
one of the others who i have saved with this tone.
the shock is almost numbing
seeing your name scrawled across the screen.
Just letters in a pattern i once adored.
a month since your departure in my life.
a year since your introduction to me at all.
‘im sorry i wasn’t the person you thought I was. thank you. for everything.’
everything?
you were my everything.
my home. my inside jokes. culture.
that never needed to be told
we both belong in almost full places,
homes caught between seas.
pulled apart and sewn back together
My heart was yours
Yours
Yours.
My sayang. Embroidering my heart. My soul with your voice.
No longer a face.
A sound.
Reduced to text on a tiny screen.
My fingers don’t move.
My mouth won’t speak.
But I forgive you.
You have my grace, and my arms.
They’re open, like the floodgates of the ocean.
Can’t you see?
From here im waving
I imagine you call my name.
As I slip into slumber.
Eyes fluttering.
One last time.
One last time we dance.
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